let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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