No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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