every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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