Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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