He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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