a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
