Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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