I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
