unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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