Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
