I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
