I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
