He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can text with my tongue
bring money and cleavage
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
