Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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