dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
