12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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