Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
