don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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