My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
