Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
