Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
