he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
