So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All the doctor said was why
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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