When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
