last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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