He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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