I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
