dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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