Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
