I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
They took my balls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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