There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Randomize