it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
