you would pick up someone in the library
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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