you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
