I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
