we made out on top of his cat.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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