I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
