OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
