Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
