I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
