I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize