it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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