And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
