i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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