ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
