Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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