there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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