Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize