It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
