Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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