i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
