he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
