your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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