Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
