"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
if only i could text you this smell
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He has the fingertips of a God
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