Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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