I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
