i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
