Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
