If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
